SEMIGOTH's Quest To Save SUPERGOTH
by Hyper Riceball
Summary: Weird...stupid...crazy...the adventures of Sasuke as he goes off on a journey to save a certain someone you'd never expect. Sasuke doesn't debut in first chapter. HAHAHA. Um..may offend hard-core Itachi fans...
1. Prologue: Itachi Goes To Save A Granny

DISCLAIMER: Naruto is not mine. It is Masashi Kishimoto's. That it is.  
  
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Itachi bit into his Uchiha-bratwurst as he looked out the window at the big blue sky. Yes. Itachi is eating an Uchiha-bratwurst. Wtf?! you ask. What's an Uchiha-bratwurst?  
  
Well, you see, Itachi killed the entire Uchiha clan, as you know, and do you know WHY he did this? Well, it's not the reason you think he did. The true reason is that he wanted to make delicious Uchiha-bratwursts out of them. Mmm. This particular one was his uncle. Silly cannibal Itachi! Eating his own uncle in hot dog format!  
  
As Itachi sat there at his window, with the breeze practically attacking his hair overdramatically like Tohru's hair on the Ritsu episode of Fruits Basket, the phone rang. At the speed of fft, Itachi scampered to answer it. "HELLO?!" Itachi asked the freak phone in his freak Itachi voice.  
  
"I NEED HEEELP!" screamed some random old lady on the other end. "SAVE US!" Itachi nodded. "I'm on it!" he yelled into the phone.  
  
Somehow magically knowing where the caller was, Itachi decided it was time to go. With blaring GO GO POWER RANGERS music in the background, he scampered into a nearby conveniently-located phonebooth, spun around a few times, and PRESTO! Came out wearing nothing more than blood-red boxers and a big black cape. "It is I.......SUPERGOTH! And I am here to save the day!"  
  
Not caring that he looked like...um...a freak, Itachi scampered outside, cape flowing behind him. Some random Itachi fangirl screamed "HEY LOOK HE'S SHIRTLESS!" Obviously that caused a whole mob of crazy Itachi fangirls to huddle around our hero, the SuperGoth. "Out of my way fools! I, SUPERGOTH, have to hurry to save that helpless old lady who called me on the phone!" and with that, he pushed all the rabid fangirls away and scampered off. Oh how Itachi loves to scamper.  
  
And so, Itachi---  
  
Itachi: HEY!  
  
Narrator: What do you want, Bratwurst Boy?  
  
Itachi: From now on, you don't call me Itachi! You call me...SUPERGOTH!  
  
Narrator: Why?  
  
Itachi: Because. I'm wearing blood-red boxers and a big black cape.  
  
Narrator: ...okay. O.o  
  
ANYWAYS, like I was saying...  
  
And so, SUPERGOTH continued on his journey. "I must save that old lady!" he said as he scampered across the ninja...um...countryside.  
  
"Hey!" a rabid Itachi fangirl said as she halted the Uchiha-bratwurst-eater to a skreeking stop. "Why the hell are you going off to save some old lady? It makes me mad! I fell madly in love with you cuz you're evil! BE EVIL!"  
  
But SUPERGOTH just blinked. He had an old lady to save! "No no no. Not now. Out of my way. I'll be evil after I'm done saving the old lady."  
  
"WHY?!" shrieked the girl.  
  
"Because I have a freak sexual attraction to old ladies." SUPERGOTH said with a freak smirk. And he scampered away.  
  
"You're offending all of us Itachi fans!" the girl shouted at the SUPERGOTH who was disappearing into the distance.  
  
Onward SUPERGOTH scampered. Til eventually he came to Konohagakure Village. "I'm heeeeeeeeeeeeeere to save you Granny! Marry me when I'm done! Then I'll go back to being some freak evil dude! And we can have a happy Granny/Itachi marriage!" shouted SUPERGOTH.  
  
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Val: Yes, I know, this is weird and stupid but oh well I was bored. Review peez. This story is actually about Sasuke. YOU'LL SEE. Now just review it and be happy. Perhaps I'll continue later today. Or tomorrow. Or the day after that.  
  
Itachi: *is tied to a post* I don't want to be here anymore! You're making me look like a fool!  
  
Val: S'okay, we lurve you anyhoo. *pats itachi on head* It doesn't matter. You're not the main character in this story, Bratwurst Boy.  
  
Itachi: ....good..  
  
Val: Heee. 


	2. Go Sasuke Go!

DISCLAIMER: Not mine.  
  
Val: LA-DEE-DAH the next extremely pointless chapter of SEMIGOTH's Quest To Save SUPERGOTH is finally alive and well!  
  
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The Granny was up on a fifty-story building looking down from the window in a way that strangely resembled old man Morgan on The Ring. "Come and save me, oh great SUPERGOTH!"  
  
SUPERGOTH, being the mischievous little wart he is, clambered up to the top of the building, his big black cape flowing behind him. He looked down at the wide expanse of Konoha and it blurred a little, cuz that's what it ALWAYS does on cartoons. Yup.  
  
The Granny reached out her quivering wrinkled hand to SUPERGOTH. "Heeeelp meeeeeee....." she squeaked in a very convincing helpless-person voice.  
  
SUPERGOTH reached out too, and grasped the old granny's hand tightly in his own. "I'VE GOT YOU MY LOVE!" he yelled. But then, something interesting happened.  
  
Instead of the old Granny fainting dramatically with a Dorothy-like sigh escaping her lips, she squeezed SUPERGOTH's hand a little bit tighter and an evil smirk covered her face. No, not her whole face. If her eyes and nose were replaced by a smirk it would be scary. So, she smirked a huge evil smirk and suddenly her creaky old-Granny voice DISAPPEARED, and in its place was a deep freakish James Earl Jones voice. Complete with Darth Vader breathing noises. "You are mine now!" bellowed Granny.  
  
SUPERGOTH screamed high-pitchedly like a girl and for some reason allowed himself to be dragged up into the Granny's window she was dangling him from. "Gwahahaha!" bellowed Granny and she hoisted him under her armpit so he couldn't escape and then....WHOOSH! Jumped off the window and glided with her gliding powers all the way to Mount Rushmore. The whole trip SUPERGOTH was trying to ignore the fact that bushy Granny armpit hair was smothering him the entire time. SUPERGOTH has been kidnapped!  
  
MEANWHILE.....  
  
Uchiha Sasuke sat there in the grass, munching contentedly on his bratwurst. No, it's not an Uchiha-bratwurst. It's just a normal bratwurst. Duh. The whole Uchiha family has something for bratwursts, ne?  
  
"Up." Kakashi said monotonously. "Down." He was making Sakura and Naruto do push-ups. Sasuke SHOULD have been doing them, but since you just know Kakashi favors Sasuke SO much, he isn't making him do them. "Up. Down."  
  
Sakura just about collapsed on the ground with a Dorothy-like sigh. "I'm *pant* tired, *pant* Kakashi-*pant*sensei..." Suddenly some black kid in a wheelchair named Stevey appeared and attacked Sakura with his super-cripple powers. "That'll teach *pant* you to *pant* mock me!" he said as he used his wheelchair to fly up overhead and do the E.T thing of flying in front of the moon, but since it was broad daylight, he only succeeded in flying up and scorching himself then falling to the ground screaming like Boba Fett does when he gets eaten. My, my, so many celebrities die.  
  
Naruto stopped doing push-ups just for a SPLIT-SECOND, so he could see Stevey do the Icarus-thing, but NO, Kakashi saw him and screamed in a high- pitched valleygirl voice, "YOU STOPPED NARUTO! I LIKE, DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD!" Just for effect, he tried to flip his hair, but it didn't work cuz of his freak hairstyle, so he just ended up fwacking a certain Sasuke in the face.  
  
The blow from Kakashi's hair was so powerful it just HAD to hit Sasuke in slow-motion. So it did. And Sasuke yelled. But it's more of an exaggerated EXTREMELY-deep moan since this is slow-mo. Blood splurted forth from his forehead, even though his forehead didn't get hit. And Sasuke hurtled backwards until suddenly slow-motion became SOOO RETRO and died. Meaning Sasuke hurtled backward at normal speed. Then he crashed into a tree.  
  
Sasuke slowly got up, about to yell at Kakashi for being such a damned valley girl, but instead something up in the sky caught his eye. It was an old Granny flying through the air, breathing like Darth Vader, with a man in blood-red boxers and a black cape under her armpit. But that was no ordinary man in blood-red boxers and a black cape; that was Uchiha Itachi! The one that Sasuke has vowed to kill!  
  
"He's.....being kidnapped!" Sasuke thought out loud. "How can I kill him if he gets killed by a Granny first?!" Sasuke looked frantically about, whilst Kakashi, Naruto, and Sakura sat there with idiotic expressions on their already-dopey-enough faces. "I guess I'll have to save Itachi just so I can kill him afterwards!"  
  
And with that, Sasuke started his journey. He abandoned his fellow ninja and began his quest across the world to save Itachi.  
  
~~EPISODE PREVIEW~~~  
  
*dun dun dun dun HUH*  
  
Naruto: Sasuke has begun his adventure! What happens now?!  
  
Sasuke: I kill whatever comes in my way.  
  
Naruto: And what if it's me, huh?  
  
Sasuke: I'll kill you.  
  
Naruto: Naah, you wouldn't do that, you know you love me.  
  
Sasuke: .....  
  
SasuNaru yaoi fans around the universe: *giggle insanely* KAWAII!  
  
Naruto: JIKAI! The Episode That Has No Name Because The Author Has No Idea What She Will Write About!  
  
Yaoi fans: *give out a Dorothy-like sigh* 


End file.
